Atta-boy!
Most alcoholics and addicts have no idea who they really are. They have spent a lifetime trying to be what they thought everyone wanted them to be. They commonly seek affirmation from others. They have no real self-identity. They live for the next atta-boy. I know I did.
I was a codependent before I ever was an alcoholic. I quickly learned that if I pleased my parents, teachers and other authority figures, they would acknowledge my actions and bestow upon me praise, privilege and reprieve. I was owned and directed by the opinions of others.
Atta-boys also exacerbated my extremely low self-esteem. I knew what a rotten son of a gun I was. When people praised me, it made me feel better about myself. My worth was in the hands of everyone around me. That was how I became an atta-boy junkie and why I had no idea who the hell I was.
Recovery has afforded me the mechanism to find out who I really am: the good, the bad and the ugly. Self-identity is just that; it comes from self and not others. People can help shape who I am, but they cannot direct it, not if I don’t empower them to do so. I can ill-afford to continue to consign my opinions about myself to others. It is what I will work on today. It is always what I will work on.
If you are working on this as well, atta-boy!
Thank you
Jim
James A. Francetich is a freelance writer and author. The opinions expressed are solely of the author and do not represent any community based recovery programs, private or public entities or any governmental agencies.